If you've just stumbled across this

This blog is dead.
My most recent work is at talkingaboutitanyway.blogspot.com.
Not that I update that very often, either, but at least it's been within the year.

these days

I've come to like country music. I used to hate it with a passion. But I've turned over a new leaf. Anyway, country songs keep on getting stuck in my head, and it's quite annoying; I don't know that many, so it's repetitive, and I don't like it that much yet. I listen to all kinds of music; why this?

The LOTR movies are pretty much written, I think, from the perspective of the Hobbits. I mean, obviously not entirely, but in many circumstances the understanding that the audience is given of the situation seems, to me, to be similar to that of Frodo or his countrymen. Perhaps I see this because, having read the books, I have a deeper understanding of the characters or scenarios than the movies could convey to the average viewer, which makes the movies seem to have a simplistic take on things, something one could associate with the understanding of the Shirelings.
The discrepancies stand out particularly with Aragorn, or at least in my mind. Perhaps this was a more intentional change, to make him more endearing in contrast to Boromir (or to highlight Boromir's inordinate zeal), but Viggo's Aragorn was much more reserved about who he was than Tolkien's. In the books, he is much more open to the fact that he was the Heir of Isildur, although still hesitant to take the throne, and the issue of his lordship comes up a great deal more. Maybe more of a point needed to be made of it in the books, whereas in the shorter-form media of film, one or two mentions were all it took.
ANYWAY what I'm trying to say here, as awesome a figure as Aragorn is, I've always identified more with Eomer. Karl Urban acted him wonderfully. One of the best cinematic depictions of sorrow and anguish (as I understand it) is his reaction to Eowyn's body at Pelennor.

Recently, I have also come to understand his "Do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands." on a much deeper level. Having had my life put at odds with what I had hoped it to be has made hoping very hard. I simply can't expend that energy anymore, at least not with any certainty. The ethereal realm of "plans for the future" remains ethereal...I simply cannot visualize as I have before. This is somewhat saddening, but I make up for it with flights of fancy and such-plans that I don't think will come true, but are fun to think about, and that I can aim my life towards with no expectation of hitting them directly.
I have also recently realized that I don't like wishing, particularly about things already certain. To me, wishing that I was born in a different time, or that something had never happened, or that I hadn't burned that when I cooked it, or that I had remembered to do this, or whatever-it's like a twist of the knife. This thing is already not true-why emphasize your disappointment by asking for the impossible? It's tiring, to me.

Man, I have way too many heavy finishes. Just...go look at something happy now or something.

way to go die on me there

In psychology we studied memory, and there's a term for forgetting something you wanted to remember, and forgetting the only crucial part of information. At least I think there is, and I wish I could remember it, because then I'd know why I can't remember what I was going to post tonight.

AHHHH ALMOST had it and now I do remember. I was going to write about race! Ooh, what fun!

Being a white male, the world is pretty open to me, particularly being born and raised in the place that I was, where I'm in the majority. Prejudice isn't leveled against me, I don't have to deal with discriminatory attitudes. There aren't major groups that want me dead simply because of the color of my skin or my religion or my parentage or whatever. I'm extremely blessed in this way, and I really don't want to sound like I'm complaining, or wishing I was born different, in anything I say.

Being a white male, without any of those challenges, in competition against people who are not white males, I very often have an edge. To compensate for this, some systems have been set up to level the playing field. However, they very often end up skewing it the other way, in some aspects, and it ends up being a disadvantage to be a white male, particularly one with my background. Granted, this is only within a very limited scope. 

It's an issue that I find perplexing, as far as how I feel about it. I believe injustice is wrong. However, my political philosophy is based around the idea 'Might is Right'. I recognize the hegemony that has been held by people like me, and it would seem that something should be done to even it out. But I really cannot decide what I think is a good way to do it. 

Another thing-racial sensitivity. I'm half Italian, half-ish Irish (there are some other things thrown in, but it's not important). My Irish side has been here for a long friggin time, so it's unlikely that any of my ancestors ever were greatly affected by 'No Irish Need Apply', but that history is there. I'm third generation Italian, however. My great-grandparents got here by coming off the boat. They doubtlessly faced difficulties here because of that.

Nowadays, 'guido' is a nationwide term, thanks to that abomination created by MTV. Am I permitted to be insulted about that? Is that 'PC'? I mean, I usually don't care what's 'PC', I hate the idea, but race is a touchy subject. There are obviously much greater hardships that have been suffered in the modern day and historically by other people. Is my indignation over a 'formerly' derogatory word insulting to, say, an African-American whose family came to this country in chains and has been called 'nigger' by someone looking to express hatred? This is something that bothers me. I have pride in my ancestry. But do I diminish the general cause of equality when I get all up in arms about the disgusting associations made by that show? Is my indignation really legitimate if I have these questions at all?

I apologize for the rambling nature of this post. But as intoned above, these were rough-formed ideas that left, and then came back suddenly.

Time to go jogging.

my life

Has way too many connections to Toledo, given that it's the fourth-most populous city in a state that I really don't like. I mean, it's not like these things are totally unique to me. But the name comes up an awful lot. First off, there's John Denver's EPIC ode to this bustling city, of which my mother is fan. Each year, my father and I always end up watching a UToledo game, it would seem. And for those not in the know, the Rockets are not a hugely significant team. Finally, the cookware company for whom I sell is based (and was founded) in Toledo. (The other day, I was using the fact that some of our pieces are manufactured there as a selling point to some people who didn't want China-made stuff, and this guy didn't even know where Toledo was. And I quote, "Where is that, somewhere in Asia?" Geez, people. KNOW THE MINOR CITIES IN YOUR COUNTRY)
All I'm saying is, that's a lot of Toledo.

You know how you know that you pay way too close of attention to movies? When you hear a song, and, whether you know it or not, your first thought is, "Wait, what movie was this in?" I do this all the time at work, as we have the radio on and I'm exposed to music that I don't usually hear. I don't voice this often, though. Don't want to appear too dorktastic.

I am a terrible hypocrite. I very often end up talking to people with low self-esteem, trying to compell them to believe that they are not what they think they are, or are what they think they're not. And yet, here I am, with little self-esteem myself. Recently, an adult friend of my mother's has expressed that she's of the opinion that I'm a handsome guy, in a very unbidden, easily-believable-for-normal-people-as-a-legitimate-compliment kind of way. I can hear that, and mentally internalize it. I can believe that she means it. But I can't actually feel that way about myself. I'm not saying I want a pity party. I'm saying I know how these people feel, but I persevere trying to raise their opinions of themselves. Ultimately, though, I accomplish little. Or at least it seems that way.
Somebody, please figure out how words or deeds can fix people broken like us. I don't claim to know the true depths of these issues. But I've delved a bit. It sucks. More than feeling better myself, I want to know how to reach the souls of the ones I care about, and lift them up.

Sorry to be a downer. But sometimes you gotta deal with some REAL TALK.

y'know

If those penis enlargement commercials are all legit and stuff, why are they only on after 1? Or whatever.

I want to know how to get on the Travel Channel. Being paid to make an idiot of myself (something at which I excel) while jetting about the world...that would be awesome. Maybe not the most fulfilling career, but I'd see a lot, expand my stable of basic phrases in many languages and make some coin. Also, I'd be able to exercise my perpetual need for performance. It'd be a lot of fun. Buuuut you generally need to be an expert on something before they let you do that. So we're going to have to wait a bit before my TV blossoming occurs, 'kay? 'Kay.

I have pretty open tastes in music. Recently, I've lowered some boundaries regarding country, and I feel like I can say with confidence that there is some music in pretty much every genre to which I can truly enjoy listening. That makes social listening pretty easy. However, just because I like everything doesn't mean that I always want to listen to things that everybody likes. My true loves in music usually lie on the fringes of other's enjoyment, or at least those people with whom I find myself hanging out. Now, true, there are certainly some people who share certain aspects of my musical choice, and I often have different musical mindsets depending on who it is that's sharing an ear with me.

But the difficult part comes when it's my musical collection that is the basis for a period of listening. I don't listen to a lot of stuff that most people consider good party music; I only have significant amounts of two or three artists that really fall into that category, which could lead to a lot of repetition, which is never good. Now this is no great hardship; rarely in today's culture of media saturation is only one person's library available. The thing that really bothers me, though, is that rarely can I share the fullness of my musical taste with someone. Perhaps this sounds a bit overwrought, but music that I know well is very important to me, and can greatly affect my mood.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm hitting at here. But I'd love to find someone who could go from one end of my iPod to another (or at least the stuff that I listen to on a regular basis, and skip around between) without batting an eye. 

Don't want to talk about

Politics. Yes, this post is about politics. At least to some degree.
I don't want to be a political blog, but I'm inclined to be interested in them, so I won't promise that this is the last one. But US politics will rarely be the focus.
It's in religion, sex and everything we do and say
Yes, Mr. Davis. That's what I'm saying.
I'll look the other way, won't you
No, sorry, not going to happen. You seem to have things locked down on the Korn front. You go ahead and do that, I'll blog about politics.
Anyway, we're talking about griping today, particularly the griping of assistant managers. Griping is the intrinsic right of every working person. Some do it more artfully, or enthusiastically, than others. There's also a fine line between griping and complaining. But that's a different post.
No, the issue at hand is the trap that those who have some authority, but also have direct supervisors, are placed in. Go ahead and watch this clip from Saving Private Ryan; the most important part begins around 2:00.
The effect of what Captain Miller expresses is that there's little room for griping, the more responsibility you have. Let's say Bill works at The Store. He's been there a while, so Bob, the manager, gives him Department A. If Bill has a minor problem (annoyance) with Joe, an employee in Dept. A, if he gripes or gossips to Bob, it seems like he's trying to get Joe fired, when perhaps Bill just wants to let off steam, because Joe's usually a good worker. If Bill has a problem with Ellen, who has Dept. B, griping or gossiping to Bob looks like infighting. But Bill can't talk to his employees, either, because it would be inappropriate to either degrade or attack a fellow employee, or even worse, undercut the authority that Ellen or, more importantly, Bob has over his employees. See? Bill's stuck.
In my experience, Bill ends up talking to his employees, at least ones that he trusts. To some degree, this creates tighter bonds there, and might improve that work relationship. But it can also place strain on the trusted employee's relationship with those griped about. Worse, it can blur lines of authority, which is never good.
The importance of this issue is not so significant at The Store. It's of much greater significance in the military, where respect of authority is of the utmost necessity. That's why McChrystal got tossed. I have mixed feelings about that, but, again, another post. Although, Petraeus is in Afghanistan now, and I think that's a good thing. He seems like a good guy. I'd recommend perusing his Wikipedia there...did you know he was shot in the chest with an M-16 in '91?

So basically, it sucks to be an irritated assistant manager. I understand that. But I also kind of wish that mine would stop griping to me.

grumble grumble

Are you familiar with the movie Death Proof? Well, you should be. Call me a Tarantino fanboy if you must, but hell, I like his work. Anyhow, any time that I'm eating a messy-ish dish that requires use of my hands (not ribs) I feel like I'm Stuntman Mike eating the Nacho Supreme. I'm such a loser.

Sometimes I wish I could break the fourth wall on my life. The dramatic energy that can be gained (in my mind) or, the humor that can be garnered, would make it so awesome. This is of course assuming that my life is like The Truman Show. But that's just a fantasy/nightmare of mine.

I am absolutely ACHING for a new tattoo. Multiple reasons. It's particularly acute at the moment, as I've slipped into a depressive cycle, and the release that the pain would provide would be very satisfying. But that's always true to some extent, depression or no. However, I'm looking to get a pretty big piece, or at least a more intricate one, one that actually has a picture this time (what a concept!) so I'm going to need some serious coin this time around. blarg. Kinda hoping I can convince my parents that it's a good idea for a birthday gift (not the first time I've done this).

I have an idea that I've been playing around with for a while now, which would look roughly like this:

Except without the N, E, S, W

That squiggle on the spike is to be a human heart, and that's a skull at the center. This is obviously not a final design, but rather a rough concept sketch. The idea behind it is "Use your head, follow your heart" which is a very important maxim to me. I always do best when I do the thing that feels right, but go about it in a smart way. The skull is an image not only of the 'head', but to me, as a symbol of mortality, it connects very well with the intelligence of man. I can't fully explain it. This would be about 5" high, over my left pec. The compass arrow would be properly angled so that it'd be more or less pointing at my biological heart. I really like this idea, but I'm not sure if it's the next thing that I want to get.

Another idea that's cropped up rather recently is a jester skull such as:

Not exactly like this, but you get the idea

Mine would have, actually the same red-blue split, even though this a stock photo I pulled off the Intarwubs. Except the red and blue on mine would be on the skull itself; I'm not sure what I'd want the cap to be colored. The red represents my anger, and the blue my depression. Together, they would bring about my destruction-thus the skull. I cannot ignore them, and they aren't going to go away, so they will invariably be a part of my decision-making process. But I will not be ruled by them, and I refuse to make  them important in my life (dealing with them is, but they won't hinder me) so I place the jester's cap on them-making them insignificant. Honestly, I thought this up independently, before I knew that jester skulls were a 'thing'.

The most likely idea for the next one is deeply connected to my spirituality-my perception of who my inner self is. I'm not really going to get into that here...I'm tired and should have been asleep a long time ago. It would be a bear paw print, with a triple-spiral type thing in the 'palm', symbolizing air, or wind. 

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking. I wrote this more for the codification of my own thoughts than anything, so sorry if it wasn't super interesting all the no one who read this.